I really don’t know how to start this story or journey. I joined the Royal Air Force (RAF) at the age of 16 as an apprentice in 1983. I was commissioned in 1987 but failed my flying training and was posted to the Royal Aerospace Establishment (RAE) Farnborough, awaiting reassignment. I was working at RAE and went into work on 22nd December, where I was told I had been reassigned to an investigation into a plane crash in Lockerbie. I hadn’t seen the news and didn’t know where Lockerbie was.

I spent the next three months dealing with things that have haunted me, although I thought at the time I had dealt with them. In 1993, I joined Surrey Police and spent 30 years on traffic, specifically dealing with fatal collisions. I retired in 2022 and have now been diagnosed with complex PTSD.

As part of me dealing with it, I am analysing my own history and, hence, after nearly 40 years, I am finally (tentatively!) considering talking about it.

I didn’t know a single one of the victims personally — but I cry for them all.